…. that’s exactly what I’ve been feeling the past few weeks.
Have you ever had moments where you’ve felt derailed? Maybe you’ve felt like you’ve taken a few steps (or leaps) back from progress you may have been making towards goals, towards your calling, towards work, towards relationships… whatever the situation may be, I think we’ve all felt this way, and dare I say, MULTIPLE times in life.
I know I have. And more often than I’d like to admit, I used to allow this derailment to take control of me, of my power, and get the best of me for days! Sometimes weeks. I wasn’t strong enough on my own to overcome the things that would throw me off life’s tracks. I would mask it with doing things that weren’t always right (and things that made me feel worse after, too even). I would put on a false front. I would often withdraw from people, and be alone, which would just eat away at me.
Honest truth: the feeling of derailment, sometimes confusion, displacement, etc. will always be a part of life. Life isn’t a straight line. Life isn’t easy. (are you saying “duh Jennie” like I am to myself right now? lol…) Even though we might know this simple truth, once in a while we just have to face it, speak it aloud and acknowledge it! Don’t push aside the truth, face it head on, face what is difficult, what needs work, what possibly needs to change. Gather your strength, take back your power, and work through the emotions, the hard truths, knowing that on the other side is progress, is light, is life! Life doesn’t end just because we are TEMPORARILY (key word) derailed. Trust me friend. No matter the scale and heaviness of your current displacement, let me reassure you, this is temporary and if you step into it, process it, and allow it to build strength in you, it will only be for your benefit.
Again, I am only speaking from much experience 🙂 Even tonight, the past few weeks, I’ve felt my own kind of temporary displacement in an area that shocked me. In months of healing and change, all of a sudden I was feeling derailed. I was making progress in the past few months, I was gaining strength, confidence, healing in my heart, my soul, my body, that my latest derailment shocked and confused me so intensely that I had no words. For a brief second, I lost all sense of what to do, who I was, what was going on around me. And that’s the truth.
I felt lost.
But I wasn’t lost. I never was.
I was experiencing a temporary moment that was only adding to the strength and confidence that I was INDEED gaining. And not only had past lessons taught me how to handle these moments, but the healing that’s been occurring was happening for feelings like this – because I am stronger and know how to handle derailments now. I am only getting stronger. How though? The best truth out there: Because of Christ solely. These moments are there to draw me closer to Him; to rely on His strength. And that’s all I can do. ….I know me and I know I wouldn’t be able to handle any part of life by myself….
Tonight, at what felt like the culmination of the past few weeks, I laid on my bed, and yes I cried, and listened to the new album “Awake” by Hillsong Worship. I didn’t know what to say, like I said, I had no words but my emotions were building and I released them all. Feel all the feels is my motto! lol…. (again just temporarily though, don’t dwell there too long). Even amid the crying, I felt that is where I needed to be in the moment and I can say I felt better after! Even when I have no words to express because I feel lost and confused, God hears me. He hears me and sees right through the cloud of confusion and emotions that were hanging over me. He knows my heart. And that is Beautiful.
He is the light and the life I know is there, carrying me all along. My identity is found in Him. My derailment came from the world’s harsh fight against this identity in Christ; the fight to throw me off, to tempt me to find identity elsewhere, and to feel alone when I deny that and stand firm in God’s truths. Yet I know I am never alone, never lost, I am given a strength to stand strong that is unexplainable and surpasses anything you can imagine because it is divine. Not of anything I can muster, EVER, on my own. Trust me, I’ve tried and have failed. But the Lord’s strength never fails.
I just want to encourage you to not give up, whatever you are going through. Whatever the weight of your situation is or that you may come across ~ It is only temporary.
Below is a post I came across tonight that was very encouraging to me and came across my IG feed, when first opening it this evening that spoke right to my heart as God knew I needed to hear it. There is hope. There is freedom in Christ and a life that is full of beauty, joy and grace.
YOU ARE F R E E . If you have an unbearably heavy heart tonight: God has not given you a spirit of defeat to lug around in this life like a heavy weight. Your attitude determines the direction of your day. Defeat is not in your nature because your God has already defeated any hold that sin and destruction had on your life at the cross. YOU ARE F R E E . Whatever wound still haunts you, whatever worry still takes you captive, whatever feat still strikes you, it can’t hurt you because Jesus has gone before you. He has traded your spirit of defeat for a spirit of sound mind. And He has entrusted you with the gospel. Remember this week, Jesus’ wounding was for your healing. Let Him heal your wounds, carry your burdens, and lead you into the paths of righteousness. Your burden is not too heavy for Jesus to carry, and your wound is not too deep for Him to heal.@WellWateredWoman
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
“He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” ~ Psalm 23:3
“For God gave us a spirit, not of fear, but of power, and love, and self-control.” ~ 2 Timothy 1:7